Vita Dinamica: Dynamic Life

Tag: romance

  • Dorian Gray 05

    Dorian Gray 05

    Illusions of Love & the Voices We Ignore


    A Warning Not Wanting to Hear

    Chapter 5 of The Picture of Dorian Gray marks a change in the prism of the book. We transition from the brilliant world of Dorian and his new ideas. We then enter the quieter, humbler lives of Sibyl Vane and her family. Still, something quite general takes place in this slower environment. Most of us know this feeling too well. Someone we love gets caught in a dream. We are unable to wake them up. This chapter catches that moment.

    Dorian for Sibyl is more than just a man. He is a fantasy prince. He is a lyrical force sweeping her from the dusty theatrical wings into the bright prospect of a new life. She refers to him as “Prince Charming.” She talks of him in language so dramatic and elevated. We start to question if she is really in love with Dorian—or with the part she is currently playing.

    And maybe that is the point.

    Love as illusion: dream of Sibyl

    Sibyl says, her eyes clear with conviction, “To be in love is to surpass oneself.” And here Wilde catches the core of romantic optimism. Sibyl wants to be changed by love. She wants to live inside a myth. She wishes to become more than she is through the simple power of dedication. She does not want to love someone actual.

    Not unusual at all is this. Many of us, particularly young people, think that love will transform us, save us, finish us. Sibyl’s narrative cautions us. We run the danger of making the other person invisible when we elevate love. Dorian is no royal despite all his beauty. Already formed by Lord Henry’s frigid ideas, he is a man spiraling into vanity. He is the storm, not the one Sibyl imagines as the rescuer.

    James Vane’s Warning: The Voice of Reality

    James, brother of Sibyl, notices it. Though he may not talk in poetry and may be harsh around the margins, he loves Sibyl with a clarity that contrasts dramatically with her fantasies. He tells her, not with drama but with truth, “If he ever does you any wrong, I shall kill him.” His affection does not fit dream. It is honest, defensive, and agonizing.

    James has something quite modern about him. When we are too enchanted to listen, he is the voice of reality. He is that friend, brother, or mentor trying to tell us, “Something isn’t right here.” At some point, everyone has been Sibyl. We ignore the advice. We want the dream too strongly to let go.

    Many of us have also been the protector. We watch someone walk into heartbreak, and we remain mute. Our voice is muffled by the music of their fantasy. James is no exception.

    The Pragmatic Mother: Love as a Transaction

    Then Mrs. Vane comes first. Not really a villain but not a hero either. Her view is based on survival. She sees the connection as a ticket out of poverty. It is a pragmatic transaction wrapped in silk and hope. Therefore, she is not against it. James should not forget that we are impoverished, she reminds him.

    This episode transports us to the realm of social realism. Mrs. Vane accepts Dorian not because she is naïve to danger but rather because she cannot afford to care. The only lifeline the family has is her daughter’s romantic future, hence this also is a tragedy. She does not lack affection for Sibyl; rather, in the face of social constraint, security must yield to sincerity.

    In modern words, this reflects how social expectations, financial pressure, or even family needs could influence people. They might stay in relationships that appear nice on the surface. However, these relationships feel bad within.

    Reading this chapter through the lens of personal growth and bibliotherapy, we see ourselves in every character. Sibyl, swept away by fantasy. James, burdened by truth no one wants to hear. Mrs. Vane, balancing hope and survival.

    The lesson here isn’t that love is bad. It’s that love, when ungrounded, can become dangerous. It can blind us, isolate us, and make us ignore the voices that are trying to protect us.

    This is a chapter not just about romantic love, but about the kind of love that saves us—and the kind that destroys us.

    Personal Reflection: What Voices Have You Ignored?

    As you sit with this chapter, ask yourself:

    • Have you ever fallen for someone—or something—not because of who they were, but because of what they represented to you?
    • Has anyone ever warned you about a situation that you didn’t want to hear? Were they right?
    • Who in your life plays the role of James Vane—the one who tells you the truth even when it’s hard?
    • Are there ways you idealize people or relationships that prevent you from seeing them clearly?

    Journaling Prompt:

    Write about a time when someone tried to protect you from something you couldn’t see. How did you react then? How do you view it now?

  • The Little Prince

    The Little Prince

    “The Rose and the Thorns” – about love and having the guts to listen.

    It started with a sprout.

    The Little Prince saw it one morning while taking care of his world. A different seed had started to grow. Like everything else unexpected in life, it filled him with wonder. It also made him worry.

    He paid close attention.

    Things that grow aren’t always safe. He was very aware of this. Baobabs also start out as simple green shoots. They can grow into monsters that crack the earth under their feet if nothing is done to stop them.

    So, the Little Prince waited, not sure what to do. He hoped this new life would be a flower, but he was afraid it might really be another baobab.

    He wasn’t aware of it yet. He was learning the first love truth. At first, love may come as a surprise. It is full of both hope and danger. It could look like beauty or danger. It looks like both a lot of the time.

    When It Blooms

    The flower finally got bigger and opened. He could not breathe after seeing what he saw. He had never seen anyone like her before.

    A Rose—beautiful, flowing, and uniquely her own. The Little Prince fell deeply and without any doubt in love with her right away.

    But he was confused almost right away.

    The Rose wasn’t easy. She was haughty, picky, and easily hurt. That’s how she talked. She asked for strange things. She sighed deeply and gave him hints that he didn’t get.

    She said there were drafts, but she turned down the glass dome. She wanted to be admired, but she didn’t care. She was pretty and far away, dainty and full of thorns.

    The Little Prince said, “The flower is very complicated.”

    That’s how he felt: amazed and worn out.

    It wasn’t easy for him to love her.

    Why the Thorns Were There

    The Rose was proud of her thorns. They were her security, she said. They would keep her safe from tigers and other bad things. The Little Prince was confused and didn’t know what to think about this. He thought that her thorns were more of a sign than a tool. Still, she held on to them as if she were nothing without them.

    “What good are thorns?” he had asked earlier, in pain.

    The Rose wasn’t really trying to scare everyone, though.

    Her goal was to keep herself safe.

    The thorns were also not tools.

    They were walls. How many of us do the same thing?
    • Use humor instead of being honest how often do we?
    • Pull away from each other when we want to be close?
    • Pretend we don’t care because we feel open when we do?

    The Rose was scared, but not of the Little Prince. She was scared of how much she needed him. Also, this is a love truth: When people want to connect with others the most, they often guard themselves the most. People often guard themselves most when they desire connection.

    Not understood

    The Little Prince didn’t get her. He had an open heart, was honest, and wasn’t complex. He was very clear when he loved. He couldn’t hide the fact that he was hurt.

    As for how the Rose made her feel, she used a different language. She was complicated and unknown. She hid her need as pride. She covered up her fear with pride. The Little Prince began to wonder if she really cared because she didn’t say “I love you” clearly.

    So, he started to pull away, which is something many people do when love gets complicated. His heart, which used to be happy, became heavy with worries.

    He said, “One shouldn’t listen to flowers.” “It’s enough just to smell them and look at them.”

    He didn’t want to listen anymore because it hurt too much. But this wasn’t knowledge; it was disappointment. That voice belonged to someone who loved deeply but hadn’t learned how to stay when things got tough yet.

    We’ve all done this, right?

    We fall in love with someone because they are beautiful. But we freeze when we see how complicated their feelings are.

    We think that their emotional shields mean they are being rejected. “Maybe I should just admire them from afar,” we tell ourselves. Love is not admiring beauty from afar, though. It is wanting without being linked.

    It asks us to listen, even if the words are hard to understand. This is what real, deep love. It tells us to stay, even if the other person hides behind their thorns. It asks us to believe, even if people are scared and hard to reach.

    Things He Didn’t Know

    In a later part of the story, the Little Prince will realize how wrong he was at this point. “I should have judged her by what she did.” I didn’t know how to love her yet. I was too young.

    It’s too late for him to grasp that the Rose had truly loved him all along. However, it was not in the way he believed she would. Care, not judgment, was what she needed. Someone who could see past the thorns to the delicate flower inside was what she needed.

    He left his world not because he stopped loving her. He didn’t get that love often speaks in strange ways. We need to learn how to understand it.

    What This Tells Us

    One of the most emotionally complex parts of The Little Prince is this chapter.

    It also shows us a lot about how our own relationships work. Love starts with awe and grows through understanding. People who are hard to love are often the ones who worry that they are not loveable. Emotional complexity is not a flaw; it comes from pain, past experiences, and longing. Listening is more than just hearing words; it means figuring out what someone is trying to say emotionally.

    Thoughts:
    Think about the Roses in your life.
    • Have you misunderstood someone because they didn’t show love the way you thought they would?
    • Have you ever left a friendship or connection that was hard for you emotionally?
    • Have you ever hid your need to be loved behind thorns like pride, snark, or distance?
    If that’s the case, what would happen if you came back without answers but with kinder ears?


    Love is not a problem that needs to be solved. It’s important to hold someone in their inconsistencies. Understand them in their doubts. Listen to them, not just admire them.

    The Rose is hard to understand. We’re all the same.

    To love someone, though, is not to escape the thorns.

    To let the flower open, you have to stay for a while.